I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
