Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
