Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
