You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
