So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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