What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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