If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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