its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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