That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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