I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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