I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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