Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
