i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize