Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
