So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
