it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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