I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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