My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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