Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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