I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
