Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
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