The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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