WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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