you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
