so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I will die if light touches me.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
