Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got chris browned last night
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
