did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
