she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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