I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
