if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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