yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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