What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
