Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize