I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize