I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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