Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
