kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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