She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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