i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
