what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
