she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
