after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
