You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
