I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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