maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
