I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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