Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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