dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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