my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like his penis was on wheels.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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