I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
