He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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