they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
