Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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