Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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