No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
