honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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