he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
