I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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