Kiss
Puke
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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