a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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