It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
