the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm too high and old for this...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
