We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
