just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
