Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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