4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
