My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
