My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
