Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drake has all the answers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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