y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
