Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize