Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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